Behind the Scenes
Updated: Jan 27, 2020
Last year was a year of striving, pushing, working soooo hard and feeling like I didn't have anything to show for it, couldn't get where I needed to go, and was going to be stuck in that season forever.
It was hard to maintain hope, joy, and positivity. For a lot of the year, I failed pretty miserably at that. I felt like I was swimming through quicksand, barely moving, and slowly sinking deeper and deeper. I was drowning.
I honestly can't say why I didn't just give up except that for me, giving up isn't an option. That doesn't mean I'm always happy about it, but I am grateful for this stubborn streak in me that pushes me when I have no want, no desire, feel no hope. I just keep going.
The truth is last year wasn't abnormal. I'd wager most of us have seasons like this. Times when the practical requires all your attention, and you let your soul shrivel.
But I decided my reaction wasn't good enough. Life happens. Things you don't like happen. I wanted to learn how to react to those seasons in my life differently.
Find joy even when the day-to-day is a slog, everything you have to do is difficult in a different way, and your path seems to be taking you in circles.
That's why I began writing the book I'm working on - Wandering with God: Overcoming Obstacles to Find Joy in the Journey. I realized I could react differently. I could learn how to wander in peace if I would just trust. Trust God, trust the process.
And now I'm looking at all that's happened in the past year and that continues to spill into my 2020, and I can see that it has not been for nothing. It's just been behind the scenes.
I am the cast and crew in an ambitious endeavor, and that doesn't come easy. I play a lot of roles, and 2019 was all about rehearsal, set-building, and practice.
It wasn't wasted. It is building, expanding, becoming. Building anything usually looks more like destruction than construction in its infancy - tearing down trees (obstacles) and digging in the dirt (preparing your foundation/learning. In short, it looks like a muddy, barren pit of mistakes.
But it's not.
There's a plan, and it's all coming together. The show will go on, the building will emerge piece by piece, and I will come out stronger, more at peace, more patient, more diligent, and with the humblest gratitude for all I have and all I've learned.
Interested in updates on my bookish wanderings and adventures?
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